Cali Dandy

Mar 22

Elaborate post-drinking dream #2:

Setting: enormous house party. There is a Kanye’s “New Workout Plan” -style maze / gauntlet to run through. There’s punch-flavored pink beer spraying from nozzles on the ground; the objective is to drink as much of it as possible.

There are two competing dealers offering people party favors. One of them is really forward about his trade, and shoves a bunch in my face, which somehow fall in my mouth. Being courteous, I spit them out and try to hand them back. Unfortunately, I drop them and we’re surrounded by tiny Legos, which happens to look exactly like the stuff I just dropped. I try to pick them back up — it’s like trying to clean up spilled risotto by hand — but can only manage to get about 3 before giving up and leaving those two in an aggravated, ready-to-fight state.

I go back into one of the bedrooms to collect some used glasses, because I’m a total Good Guy Greg like that. It belongs to one of the roommates, who happens to be disabled/bed-ridden. I see her and am like, “oh shit I’m sorry”. But she’s watching a guy in a plastic mask dancing. And she says to me, “isn’t this awesome”?…I leave.

Also somewhere around here, it becomes a bottomless party and everybody starts taking their pants off. There is shaft everywhere. My friend and I turn to each other and go, um we’re going in the other room.

My parents bring my childhood pets by for an appearance — a Chow and an English Sheepdog, both of whom have since passed on. They’re still fluffy as they were.

Four friends and I end up running down a sloped, vaguely European street. I try to run ahead and take a picture of everyone, but they step out of frame and I fail; I’m like “fuck you guys”. Then suddenly a car comes speeding down the bike lane and…*THE END*.

Mar 03

Seeing somebody attractive

whatshouldwecallme:

…and then seeing their BF/GF:

Feb 21

[video]

Feb 09

Coats coats coats. This is what I’ll be wearing Saturday.

menofhabit:

Serious outerwear.

Jan 31

Chronicling my Inception-like dream experience, after waking up at 4am following a vodka-soaked Monday night:

Level 1:

I awake in a mansion/department store with Harajuku-fied Alice in Wonderland decor. I have limited powers of telekinesis, which I demonstrate by opening and shutting the refrigerator door while lying in bed.

Downstairs, my mother is having a banquet with all of our old friends, including those from Bakersfield. Fish is served.

I go running around the top floor, bump into a guy, then into:

Level 2:

I’m doing a parkour-style break-in/escape time trial at a power plant. I’m squeezing through gates, jumping over fences, sliding down ladders, the whole bit. At one point I shoulder-block George Bush Sr. who is visiting for some reason. I keep running straight into:

Level 3:

I’m at a Chinese potluck in a courtyard. It’s very hot and I get very drunk. I sit down, but two old ladies behind me throw up, getting it all over my shoes. Angrily, I run to the campus gym in hopes of washing it off. I’m teetering at the entrance and try to go through the wrong door.

The door guy politely escorts me through and tells me to go with the cops at the end. I flip out and start running away. All the while I’m supposed to have an apartment showing with a shady Chinese landlord. He keeps calling and I’m unable to answer.

I run into two cute hipster girls, but the one I like better has a boyfriend. We go to a motel to hide, we speak French to each other, things are going well. There’s a knock on the door, it’s supposed to be the boyfriend, so I hide in the bathroom. Instead it’s a Mexican gang and they kidnap the girls. I go running after them down Wilshire Blvd, calling 911 but I can’t talk to the dispatcher because I’m too out of breath.

Eventually I encounter two of the kidnappers in the street. I fly into a Psychotic Superman rage and rip one’s face off, rip off the other’s arms and beat him down with them. I get back home and the remaining kidnappers tell me the hostages were knocked out via drug overdose. I get angrier and rip them apart, tearing off testicles and gouging out eyes. I’m semi-aware I’m dreaming, but I’m convinced it’s real because the kidnappers left boot marks in the bathroom.

I rescue the captives and go on with my life, but am constantly watching my back. Finally, two surviving kidnappers come after me, but they get in a fight with two human-sized Michael Bay-style Transformers. I possess one of the robots and cut a kidnapper’s head in half with a buzzsaw.